I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
