Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i think i have two assholes
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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