I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
