I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
