the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
