Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
