I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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