Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
