his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
A+ Viking dick
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
