pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
