Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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