just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
