Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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