I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize