I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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