everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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