his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
