how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
