he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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