I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
