She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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