So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
