if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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