I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
