Your face is a jimmy john
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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