also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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