Betty ford says i'm here all night
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize