it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
