Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
