i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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