im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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