how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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