Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
