I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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