just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
