dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
