Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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