My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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