I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
porn star boner night. come get it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
