Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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