i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
No subtext here. People are naked.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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