some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
