if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
