watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize