im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
