So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
false alarm, still single
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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