just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
