dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
