on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
