whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
