I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize