Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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