did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Girls should come with a carfax report
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
