booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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