yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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