Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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