I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
