I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
