they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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