for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
