For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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