Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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