What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I lost the right to judge tonight
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
