Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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