i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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