Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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