if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
