Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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