The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
