Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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