Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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