I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
