Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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