i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I stole a fireplace last night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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