Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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