when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
