I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize