The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
