So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize