my vag is so smooth its legendary
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i believe in u and ur pee
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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