it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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