Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize