i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
