i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize