Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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