I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
