I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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